I was at the train station and noticed two crows up on the roof top. One looked a little hurt, with the wing slightly tilting to the side and feathers ruffled. I felt bad for the bird, never liking to see any animal in distress. I could see the other crow looking around, grooming themselves and looking agitated. They stayed very close, continuously looking around and on high alert. The bird then started, very gently, with their beak stroking the feathers of the distressed bird. They first started rubbing the head and then gently moved down the back to the hurt wing.
In what I saw and how the bird cared for the other, doing whatever they could to make them feel better, it struck a chord. What was so moving was how gentle it was, caressing them delicately knowing they were in pain. I was so moved by what I saw I couldn’t take my eyes off them, and when the train pulled up, I didn’t want to get on. Not knowing how things would unfold and if the bird could be nursed back to health and what the other bird might continue to do. It was infectious. I wanted to care for that bird too and felt a connection with them both by what I saw.
It taught me two things. In today’s world of hate speech, crime, and war ubiquitous the world over, we can easily lose sight of the joys and good things we have in our lives. Those simple yet powerful moments of kindness. The power in caring for others, when we comfort and support and when that’s returned. Those moments we remember as kids when our parents stroked our hair when we were sick, when you felt so unwell but also so loved and safe at the same time. A memory I hope my kids have of me.
That ability to connect with someone, to show empathy and care, it is such a powerful gift. And this goes beyond immediate friends and family. Showing care for someone or something. The person on the street, a distressed colleague, or a hurt bird. It creates a positive energy that can be infectious and a good reminder for all of us when we feel the woes of the world circle round and so close.
The second, was to show gratitude for the people in my life that care for me and to take a moment to really appreciate that. My mum and dad came up to help at the house recently and did loads of gardening. They knew it was frustrating me not having the time with a busy household and three kids. At the time I of course said “thanks” and “really appreciate it” and “you shouldn’t be bothering yourself with my garden”, but to be honest I didn’t truly appreciate it, not at a deep level. They’d often do things like that, and I’d taken it for granted.
It takes a conscious effort to take time to reflect and really appreciate the good things in our lives. We can all take that for granted sometimes. We’ve busy lives and often we don’t give ourselves the opportunity to reflect and take that time to savour the moments when we felt truly cared for and supported.
Research on gratitude practice shows how it improves our relationships and our physical health, including stress reduction and improved sleep, heart health, and immune system functioning. It’s not only good for us, however. In saying thank you and showing gratitude to that person, it makes them feel good too.
Maybe, just maybe, we can start to create momentum and in a more positive direction. If we look at ways to care and show kindness to others, we’re therein more likely to experience emotions like joy, hope, connection, purpose and meaning. It can cause a ripple of kindness that can inspire others and create an upward spiral of positivity. Acts of kindness and altruism can be contagious and the research backs this up. In a study by University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) in 2019, their research showed “prosocial behaviour” or acts of kindness are contagious.
They had 8,000 people engage in the study, which they conducted both in person and online. Half of the participants watched a video titled “Unsung Hero,” which followed a young man as he goes through his daily life, stopping often to help others. The other half watched a control video of a man performing athletic acts. For their participation, they were given an envelope with money and could either anonymously take the money or give it to charity. People who viewed the “Unsung Hero” video gave 25 percent more to the charity than those who saw the athletic-stunt video.
Showing kindness for someone or something can help us feel more connected – to people and our environment, giving us an enhanced sense of purpose. The most effective self-care is about pro-social behaviours in being kind, supportive and caring. Being kind to others, whether that be random acts or anonymously, can give a burst of dopamine, one of the ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters, linked to improved sleep, learning, concentration and movement (Roland & Curry, 2019). So, it doesn’t just feel good but can make us feel more fulfilled and happier.
Check out our positive wellbeing PERMA+R programme where we explore concepts including hope and kindness, and how they support a proactive and preventative approach to our psychological wellbeing. Contact us at wellness@irishlife.ie to find out more.
Grace Walsh
Health & Wellbeing Consultant
Irish Life Wellbeing
Research
Sparks AM, Fessler DMT, Holbrook C (2019) Elevation, an emotion for prosocial contagion, is experienced more strongly by those with greater expectations of the cooperativeness of others. PLoS ONE 14(12): e0226071. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0226071
Madhuleena RC (2019). The Neuroscience of Gratitude and Effects on the Brain (positivepsychology.com)
Kendra C (2024). What Is Gratitude and How Can You Practice It? (verywellmind.com)
American Psychiatric Association. Practicing Gratitude to Boost Mental Well-being. July 8, 2020.
Rowland L, Curry OS. A range of kindness activities boost happiness. J Soc Psychol. 2019;159(3):340-343. doi: 10.1080/00224545.2018.1469461. Epub 2018 May 15. PMID: 29702043.