As a mum of three young kids (4, 3, and 9 months), it's a rollercoaster of emotions trying to navigate and support these beautiful little people. It's not just about managing their feelings, but also keeping my own in check. My little girl can shift from elation and belly laughter to shame, frustration, and intense rage in an instant. Emotional outbursts can happen at the most inconvenient times and in front of everyone—like the cashier at the store, who probably isn’t as judgmental as I imagine

Understanding Emotions
It's virtually impossible to imagine an experience without emotions. We are always trying to recognise, express, and interpret emotions in ourselves, our children, and the people we work with. As adults, navigating this emotional landscape is a daily challenge, so it's easy to see how challenging this can be for our little ones.

Charles Darwin explained that ‘our minds have evolved to experience emotions, allowing us to better adapt to our environment’, (Darwin, Theory of Evolution). Strong emotions trigger our fight-or-flight response, helping us respond to danger and perceived threats. Emotions served an evolutionary purpose, contributing to our success as a species.

Advances in neuroscience have deepened our understanding that emotions are biochemical reactions in the brain that help us react to our environment. Tuning into our emotions allows us to interpret the world around us, focus on what’s important, and make life meaningful and wonderful.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence
The concept of emotional intelligence (EI) was brought into focus in the 1990s by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, and further developed by Daniel Goleman. It now forms part of our everyday language. Emotional intelligence is defined as “the ability to perceive, understand, and manage one’s own emotions and relationships” (Goleman,1996). It includes concepts such as emotional awareness, emotional expression, self-regulation, impulse control, and empathy.

Practical things we can do as parents:
So, what can we do as parents to help build emotional intelligence skills that foster self-regulation, empathy, and resilience from an early age? These are the skills our children can carry forward and continue to apply throughout their lives/

• Connect – providing secure and positive relationships. Children who have secure attachments tend to be happier, kinder, more socially competent, and more trusting of others. (Sroufe, 2006)
• Be a Role Model and label our own feelings – “I’m sad that the cat is sick” or “I’m happy because you helped tidy up your toys”. Managing and recognise your own emotions, understand why you’re feeling them, label your emotions and express them effectively. These are skills we, as adults need to nurture in ourselves – skills our kids will observe and learn to emulate.
• Naming Emotions – Teach children to recognise and name their emotions – The “Colour Monster” book has been particularly helpful in giving my kids a way to express their emotions through colour.
• All Emotions Matter - Child development experts advise against describing feelings like anger or fear as "bad". (Yale Medical, 2020) Instead, use words like uncomfortable or unpleasant and give them equal importance as positive emotions like joy and excitement.
• Validate Feelings -  You can say, “It’s understandable, you feel a little worried. It’s a new school and there’s lots going on. I’m really glad you told me. Let’s work through this together”. (Yale Medical, 2020)
• Gratitude – Embed gratitude techniques into your weekly routines. Sitting around the dinner table and ask questions like “What are we looking forward to this weekend?”, “What went well today at school/work?” and “What did we enjoy the most today?” This practice helps kids to focus on the things that are going right and positive around them.
• Role-Play – Encourage children to play out different emotions using toys. This can help them express themselves when they struggle to use words. (Positive Psychology, 2019)
• Breathing and Mindfulness Practices – Use the Five Finger Breathing Technique:
• Ask your child to hold their hand out so they can see it
• Using their other hand and starting with the thumb, ask them to run a finger across the fingers of the spread hand.
• Every time they run up a finger or thumb, they should breathe in, then at the top pause for a moment
• Then breathing out as they run their finger down the other side, pausing at the bottom once again.
• When they reach the end of their whole hand, ask “How do you feel now?”
• Repeat if necessary

The content of this article is general in nature and must not be relied on in lieu of advice from a qualified professional in respect of your circumstances. Please seek advice from your doctor and/or mental health provider if you’ve concerns about your child’s emotional regulation.

To the maximum extent permitted by law, Irish Life does not make, and excludes, any representation or warranty, express or implied, as to the accuracy, reliability, currency or completeness of any information in these materials and Irish Life expressly disclaims any and all liability for any loss or damage incurred by you, howsoever caused, relating to these materials or any reliance placed on the information within the article.

Research:

1. How to Cultivate a Secure Attachment with Your Child (berkeley.edu)

2. Sroufe, L. A. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & Human Development, 7(4), 349–367.

3. American Psychological Association (2023) - How to help kids understand and manage their emotions (apa.org)

4. Goleman, D. (1996).  Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bloomsbury Publishing.

5. 10 practical tips to help children cope with strong emotions - BBC Tiny Happy People

6. The Colour Monster - Bing Videos

7. How to nurture emotional intelligence in children | AIA